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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

My Dear Vogue, You Have Grown Too Thin.

My Dear Vogue,

True companion, with love and concern I type this letter to you - for pen and slow mail may find you too late. 

Your heft and rustling pages have comforted me through most of the days of my life.  

This September past - year 2012 - your cups ranneth over.  Over an inch in thickness, you carried your weight beautifully.  You elegantly displayed your boom-chicka-boom, va-va-voom love-handles-of-fashion and they rendered my knees weak.

On the heels of The Health Initiative pledge, you were not only barking - but biting and ravishingly ravenous - voracious.  You were healthy and vibrant.  Imagine my dismay, when I caught a glimpse of you on my grocery store shelves... your emaciated January 2013 presence a meager, wraith-like version of your bodacious September self.

Being so intelligent - as well as lovely - you are well aware that rapid weight loss is not healthy.  One's body needs some fat - not the subcutaneous fat of advertisements and inserts and celebrity gossip, but the good-cholesterol fat of page after page of artful fashion, educational articles, and friendly chatter.  

This mnemonic device is sometimes helpful - HDL (good cholesterol) "healthy", LDL (bad cholesterol) "lard".  Simply think to yourself:  Certain advertisements and celebrity gossip - LDL lard - versus artful fashion and smart articles - HDL healthy.

Good Friend, contemplate with me Marilyn Monroe - setting aside any comparisons to individuals in the present day, .  Monroe's curves were delectable and to them I could sing appreciative praise - all day - and couldn't you too?

Has the internet - along with its gadget companions of plastic - caused you to dwindle, diminish,  and suffer?  If that is the case, I find it ironic - because the Plastic Box has broadened my horizons - in more ways than one.

Though the internet has offered to me an omnispective scope into the Great Wide, viewing it has required a lot of sitting and standing-still languor... creating a bigger (but still healthy) version of my self.  However, I realize you are of a different body-type and constitution.  Be you ectomorph, mesomorph, or endomorph - I know you rely on a bit more advertising fat.

Heaven forbid I might have contributed to your extreme weight-loss.  Purchasing you frequently from retail shelves, you were unable to rely on my steady subscription.  A fair-weather-friend I have been - it seems - and for that I say, forgive me. 

Let's agree to enjoy a happy medium my dear Vogue: Not too thick, not too thin - healthy, bodacious, bellissima, boom-chicka-boom.

Please Plump-Up Dear Vogue.

Your Friend and Blogger,
Toile La La at Art Fashion Creation

Postscript:  Please realize I speak to you of this out of genuine care, not fur-flying-claws-out-hissing-spitting-you-are-thinner-than-me-jealousy, but adoration-of-oomph and intelligent beauty.